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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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But then, the tide starts coming in. I’m watching in horror as the waves creep closer. The kid’s panicking, and I’m like, “Noooo! Save the castle!” But it’s too late. The waves crash, and poof! Sandcastle gone. The kid’s face is priceless. I can’t help but laugh, but I feel for him.

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